all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
