we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
