So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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