Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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