i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have post one night stand depression
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