is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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