I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
