What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
