he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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