Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
