take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I looked at my own cervix.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
