Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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