Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
