i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize