so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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