im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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