her vagine was all disorganized.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
