i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
