i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
