Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
