When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
