the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
