It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
