The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
