What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
