it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm sobbing to NWA
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
