you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
