she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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