Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
