I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
