vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
