i think my tv is drunk
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
