in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
