I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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