meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize