You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
