**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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