That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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