do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
