ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize