Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize