I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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