you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
