after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
not ubering you a puppy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
