If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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