Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sorry about my life...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
