Define "chronic" masturbator.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
