yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The air taste purple.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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