I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize