Me too!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
