you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I'm really busy with my period
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