Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
