Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
