Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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