There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
