Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
