Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
