i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
