Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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