Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
