i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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