sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize