We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
