I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
