at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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