she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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