If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
