I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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