every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
