We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I got inside last night via doggy door
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
