if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
