I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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