Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
