Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
