Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
