We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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