It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize