how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
