the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
