I was born with a shot glass in my hand
this just has baby written all over it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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