Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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