if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
