If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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